They say that when you dream your emotions symbolise water. Which means lately as I drift off into the spirit world deep into the realm of my consciousness I am met with the raw truth of her.
I dream of oceans as deep as the black hole that is the centre of our galaxy which transcends to the time and space where I felt the most pain.
At the bottom of the seabed, I turn my head and see the sunken ships of disappointment, the chained treasure chest where I keep my secret emotions compressed. The artefacts of sentiment which I never learned to let go and the eerie floating bodies of those that caused me the most sorrow.
And as I try to swim up to the top I am met with those ever moving reeds that seems to keep me and my beliefs patterns stagnated, captured and encased in the prison that is - my mind.
I am engulfed in the ocean each night as I dive deep into the depths of my Scorpio laying the mystery bare without care she reveals herself to me. I am ok I say. I'll get through it I pray for tomorrow's just another day. But the oceans twin flame that is the moon pulls the tide back and reveals the righteous truths of my very soul, for I cannot hide from God the fact that I do not feel whole.
I call upon the watchtower of the West as I part the sea of my emotions like Moses and I introduce you to the left side where I intellectualise and deliver a diagnosis.A wave of insecurities rooted deeply in my embedded memories where I plant the seed that sprouts, grows and clutters into a bed of seaweed. For I should never have allowed those beliefs to flourish and feed into a whirlpool of self-criticism gaining momentum each and every time that I experience racism. And before my intellect consumes me I try desperately to find that balance of both mind and heart but the ocean is full of debris, where do I start?
Navigating through the ocean with my third eye as my compass. The right side of the sea recognises me for I am it and it is me. This side is Home that intimately knows my ever so compassionate, doting, caring and affectionate energetic cords of my green anahata. And most nights I dream lucid so I wade through these familiar waters feeling every ripple in every layer of my aura. And I feel it all in the very centre of my medulla oblongata. Without structure without logic here I feel in colour, arranged onto earth and it is here to my greatest desires do I give birth.
Thoughts + energy = emotion my emotion is my frequency, vibrating within my aura painting a picture with my chakras as they spin like a vortex. Nourishing every cell in my avatar as I ultimately become what I feed my cerebral cortex. Conscious of my inner intricacies I dare not be careless. Functioning in line with universal law I know must focus. AWARENESS.
For the extension of my energy ripples through the ocean affecting everything and everyone in my path so I try to bypass the feeling of wrath and absorb the drama and emotions of others like an empath. Trying my hardest to stay grounded and find my feet to the floor but in the ocean like spirituality there is - no footpath.
Desperately trying to keep my head above water like water my body is fluid, unable to fight my reality it is what it is and I surrender to it. I'm brought to terms with the relationships I held onto that did not last, the eager to please approval seeking child of my past, the resentment and rage I tried to mask and the expectations I placed upon myself which I did not surpass.
You see the motion of my ocean is a consequence of my ever important thoughts. And every behavioural pattern that I was ever taught manifests itself in my relationships, habits and lies that I bought. See my mind is my magnet, like water never stagnant, for there are 6 protons, 6 neutrons, 6 electrons in each and every fragment, of my being, the ether, my melanin, the stars, my cells, the land and emotions in my heart.
Like sage to my energy field these water droplets cleanse me, communicating to all cells be gone negative energy. Blessed be. The spirit of Khonsu is renewed and reflects a glistening sheet of light onto the sea reaching me by telepathy letting me know that the waterfall that I will fall into will heal me. Clearing all energetic blocks that ever tried to stop me from realising the true goddess that I am and all that I can be.
And the waves begin to crash and splash against the rocks commanded to dance along to my vibratory frequency. The waterfall roars and pours into the emptiness of my numbness this water is every part of me. For I am one drop, one gallon, the ocean in it's entirety. I am. I am. Responsible for my destiny.
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